The Tongass is the largest intact temperate rainforest on Earth, a verdant paradise the size of West Virginia stretching over way too many Alaskan islands, mist-wreathed peaks and fjords and glaciers hemorrhaging water so blue it hurts your teeth to even look upon’t, bears and wolves and black-tailed deer and moose and salmon and “ancient murrelets” (a type of cute bird) and 70,000 souls.

I prefer NFs. A National Park says “Buy a keychain and please read our Interpretive Signage, penned by three people with seven degrees.” A National Forest says “We haven’t maintained that road since Carter, have fun.”